Sometimes I find myself wanting to hold all of my kids because I want to freeze time.
Like maybe if I hold tight enough, the memory or the moment will get squeezed into a snow globe in my mind to return back to forever. While at the same time holding them with so much hope and pride for who they are becoming I just want to squeeze them into the future where I get to see all they were made to be!
Out of the two I would say I spend the majority of my time waiting and watching with expectation and joy for who God is revealing them to be to themselves and the world.
The thing is, the thought of who they are becoming and where they are going with God is as cherished by me as who they have been while they were little and in my arms.
This is so true that sometimes, my heart arrests in my chest at the thought that it’s possible that they will miss who they were made to be. Or that they will, like me, have massive emotional and spiritual maturity delays that cost them so much lost joy on the journey.
My heart is deeply grieved like no other when I see hints of them veering off the path of wisdom and not maturing into who I know God made them to be. When they hit a spot that tempts them to stay stunted in the maturation process, I hold my breath as I pray.
My heart just cries out, NO LORD LET IT NOT BE!
My heart cries this out because I know it absolutely does not need to be that way.
Joy doesn’t have to be missed.
Hope does not have to be disappointed.
Peace doesn’t have to stay out of grasp.
Shame doesn’t have to be part of the story.
But unfortunately, this concept of maturity and wisdom is something the enemy doesn’t want us to pay any attention to.
He knows that if we seek wisdom we will surely find it and he also knows that the fear or respect of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. In that place we will learn to have a healthy relationship with the Lord and that the Joy of the Lord will be our strength.
You know as well as I do that, the last thing an enemy wants is for his opponent to be strong.
Yes, the last thing he wants is for us to be strong in the Lord and the strength of His might. What the devil, who prowls around like a lion seeing who of us he can devour, wants us to be defeated and alone.
Our most true and soul-filling joy and strength are experienced through relationships.
Our relationship with God.
Our relationship to ourselves.
And our relationship with others.
But sadly, because so many of us are left in our foolish immaturity by those who were meant to lead us and by our own rebellion, this joy in our most important relationships is seriously lacking.
If it’s there at all.
But don’t get too defeated if you are like I was and your relationships are a mess. There is a way out of old patterns and problematic cycles. The good news about the good news of Jesus is, it is not just limited to the good news of our salvation in eternity but also it is good news for the salvation of our daily lives. This is called sanctification or maturation.
That means we do not have to stay stuck in ways of thinking, believing and behaving that take away our joy and strength but instead we can grow and learn ways to experience joy and strength. Bringing our joy and satisfaction in life in a way that gives us strength for the battle we are absolutely in.
The reality that there is a way out of the mess and chaos of immaturity is what allows my heart to burst with joyful possibilities, hope and great expectation for myself, my children and others I lead. Whereas, my heart used to struggle to beat under the weight of shame, fear, regret and confusion and no idea how to help myself, let alone anyone else.
The first step to the way out of the mess is, humility.
Admit you need Jesus.
Admit to yourself and God your immaturity and foolishness.
Even if you can’t see it yet, ask Him to graciously show you where you need to be reparented in wisdom and truth.
There is no shame in this, without full submission to Jesus, we all are so confused and immature.
We think that because we physically grew up, that means that we are mature and we make a lot of decisions out of that false assumption and we suffer from confusion because of it.
We are confused because most of us are actually trying to get it right but doing it all alone with no wisdom from the Lord to guide us and we just feel like we are so defeated.
But the truth is that, just because we age does not mean we mature…
And if the enemy can keep us in the mindset that, “maturity is dependent on our chronological age and not dependent on our ageless, all knowing, all powerful and all wise God and Father” then we are going to struggle in the foolishness of immaturity, instead of living in the freedoms gained only from spiritual and emotional maturity.
If you are like me and have chosen the latter, do not fear.
Really.
God only needs you for one thing, to make His Grace evident in your life. By going back and making your mess your message. That is showing him that you love him, wholeheartedly.
Why only love Him? Well, because If you love Him you will trust Him. If you trust Him you will obey Him. And if you obey Him you will live the abundant spiritual life that is for your good and gives God glory.
It’s never ever too late to embrace Jesus. He is a truly good Father who is waiting in great expectation for us to become all we were made to become and do all we were made to do. Like I do with my kids.
I know first hand that all of this is true because I was such a fool, if you know my story you know the truth of that.
Two divorces by the age of 25.
A single mom to a strong willed son
I was a victim of sexual abuse
Zero healthy boundaries
Zero true loving friendships
Zero healthy relationships
Smoked about a pack a day and partied
Suffered from crippling anxiety and depression.
Living off food stamps and government health care
All while sacrificing my soul and sanity to be “accepted” and “loved” by all in my life and whoever came along.
All of that and more, is what God saved me from.
He came to me with this message, “Child, I love you. Come to me. You are weary and heavy burdened and I will give you rest”.
He knew I needed rest. He knew the burden of my immaturity from my history of trauma and poor choices were just simply too heavy for me to carry on my own.
I am not going to pretend that learning to rest has not been a process, because it sure as heck has been but it’s been a beautiful one that has built and is building in me the character and maturity I was massively lacking for so long.
I am so grateful and in love with my Savior for saving me from myself and for setting my feet on His firm foundation, teaching me that He truly is my absolute only hope.
And here is part of the beauty of it all… you do not have to live the broken story of heartbreak that I have in order to embrace the saving power of Jesus and to love Him wholeheartedly.
You really don’t.
You can rest assured that no matter how “vanilla” of a story as you can possibly have, you will never ever not need Jesus to save you.
On your best day, if you ask Him to show you your sin in light of His word, you will see your need for Jesus.
Praise God for people like you, I need that reminder that people like you exist so that I can have hope for the young ones I love! All of us and all of our stories are needed so we can work together to get the good news of Jesus out to all who need to be saved by it!
I love you friends and I am so glad you are either on this journey with me or considering joining me on it.
XOXO